What's the energy behind your actions?
INTENTION
Know the real reason you do things?
Staying in a toxic or unsatisfying relationship for the 'sake of the children' then resenting your children and spouse, or for fear of ending up growing old alone.
Dressing yourself up, buying things, attending certain restaurants, living a lifestyle to garner your friends' envy.
Remaining in a deeply unsatisfying job not because you find pleasure, meaning and purpose in it but because of fear that you will somehow not be ok – disappointment and disowned by parents/ostracized from peers/become broke and bankrupt and be left on the streets homeless (yes some people actually do go all the way there in their minds!) – thus dreading Sunday evenings increasingly.
Going back to a role where you don’t want to let family members down as they expect you to carry on the business – and feeling stuck and trapped like the universe dumped you with this lot in life.
These are but a few examples of doing something normal and noble on the outside, but coming from a disempowered inauthentic place inside.
Let me help you crack one layer
1. Write down 3 things that you’re doing for someone else or some others - that’s not out of the sheer pleasure in making them happy or the sense of self-accomplishment from taking responsibility over their best interest.
Think phrases like ‘obligation’, ‘if I don’t do it they will be disappointed’.
2. What are the 2 consequences that is most likely to happen if you don’t ‘oblige’.
3. What do you keep choosing instead of what you really want?
And the best reason for doing anything?
The answer is always love.
Not the self-sacrificing love for others that makes you a good martyr, but the 'self-centered' love for your health, body, soul, wellbeing etc. which by default = love for others.
If you believe in oneness of the universe, in unity, you would realise that what you do in loving kindness for yourself would equate to loving kindness in the world. Even though it may not seem so at face value.
For example leaving a toxic or unsatisfying relationship may seem like you being a cruel mean betraying not-loyal uncommitted bad human being breaking the heart of someone else and some cases including that of your children; but guess what it would do a world more good to the other party to be free to be with someone who’s more compatible, a better fit, and who appreciates their qualities instead of criticizing and complaining and being met with resentment!
I’m not advocating break ups! You must also ensure that you’ve done substantial inner work and not left any stone unturned to correct your inner biases and projections, then you can hand on heart say that you have tried, and will look back with no regrets but with self-trust. No resentment but with well wishes. No grudges but with understanding.
Remember, you get to choose how to live your life, and you also get to face the consequences of your choices. Pick up that responsibility of making choices for your life instead of living life feeling forced into everything.
That is freedom. Freedom to be yourself.