5 steps: from victim to freedom
SELF ACTUALISE
Your ego vs your wise Self
Personal responsibility is the opposite of victimhood.
Your ego: *Loudly* “Rubbish! You can only be responsible for what’s under your control. When things not under your control happen to you, obviously you’re a victim of them. Individual suffering is caused by external circumstances!”
Your inner wise heart Self: *Gently & lovingly* “Regardless of what situations or circumstances you find yourself in, you’re always responsible for the way you choose to respond to them”.
Your ego: “What? Are you saying I’m responsible for everything that goes on in my life? You mean I’m responsible for my (insert illness/childhood trauma/accident/victim situation)?? OMG, why would I do such a terrible thing to myself? Why would I cause myself so much pain and suffering? This is even more evidence of what an unworthy person I am!!”
Within the spiritual context, you’d assume that you’re responsible for everything in your life. But you usually don’t know the spiritual reason why your Soul would choose an experience such as (insert victim circumstance).
What you do know is that all of life serves as a spiritual purpose, and since (insert your victim events) is a part of life, it must serve a purpose too.
Find acceptance and approval for your situations
Taking personal responsibility and ownership allows you to move into a space of:
Regardless of what I am working with, I am 100 percent responsible for my internal reality. I am responsible for my attitudes, what I tell myself about my experience, and how I choose to deal with it. And I’m especially responsible for any negativity I’m running inside myself that supports an ‘I am upset because’ position. My intention is simply to accept what’s present and not make myself, or my experience, wrong.
Step 1. Centre your awareness in your heart and look for that loving essence within.
Step 2. Identify a current situation that you would like to be different/to change or that you blame someone for.
Step 3. Become aware of any choices you’re currently making that is maintaining the situation as it is.
Step 4. Consider the possibility of other choices that might produce different results. Note: You don’t have to do anything differently, simply ‘see’ any alternatives.
Step 5. Take a few minutes to visualise yourself in the process of making the new choices, as if you were making them now. Note: No need to commit to anything different at this time, simply ‘see’ how things may pan out.
Of course this is a very succinct version of deep internal work, so it's best that you bring about this through 1:1 coaching with me.
From Victim to Freedom
I am in this lifelong journey too, having blamed my ex-spouse for so many ‘wasted years’, for unfair treatment, for making me exhausted, for making me broke. I’ve blamed my parents for my screwed up childhood, for the angsty way I was in youth, for making me doubt myself, amongst a slew of other accusations. I blamed JP Morgan Chase for burning me out. I blamed God too at my lowest.
For me, the time spent ‘healing’ and inner work gave me some freedom, more freedom from the shackles of self-hate, more freedom to love. After first learning how to love myself.
To me, freedom is only possible when you enter a willingness to take personal responsibility. There is no other way. I've learnt it painfully!
Until you’re willing to consider how the choices you’re making contribute to your drama and suffering, you’re involved in the plight of the victim, and you will report the situation in your life from the victim’s perspective.
As long as you insist on blaming sources outside yourself for your circumstances and ensuing drama, you'll maintain in a victim position and will suffer accordingly.
Personal responsibility will open your door to freedom.
Not so much freedom to, but freedom from.
Freedom from the bondage of unresolved issues.
Freedom from unnecessary emotional suffering.