Break out of survival mode
Ease out of stress
The insidious type of stress
The stress that I refer to most of the time is internally derived chronic stress that at times manifests physically as disease.
Disease, when you break up the word, is dis-ease.
When you’re not at ease with your emotions, you’re not at ease with yourself.
You could be lying in a hammock on a beach resort in Bali, being fanned and fed grapes, yet still have elevated cortisol levels in your system, still stressed!
Why? Thoughts like
I cannot rest until I have done abcd on my to-do list
I still have so much to do
I haven’t done this yet for that person, shouldn’t I be doing that thing now?
Wait, don’t I have to give that person a call?
Am I being lazy by lying down here?
What’s your internal dialogue while alone
Where did this stress comes from?
I last wrote about what my 20s were like, and this week it’s about understanding what got us here as adults in the first place.
Short answer: Childhood.
Whatever emotional needs that you weren’t provided growing up, end up becoming either what you source externally OR tell yourself you don’t need it
ie. Exile the part of you that feels anger, into the abyss of your being.
For example while growing up, I wasn’t exactly provided the amount of reassurance to feel safe to be myself. Met with disapproval regarding the subjects I wanted to study, the people I wanted to date, the friends I had, the opinions I had, down to the feelings I felt.
Mind you, this is not a blame fest, it is by no fault of my caregivers that they knew not how to nurture me as I needed, and
since I am conscious of it I am thus afforded the opportunity, and responsibility, to break this generational cycle.
Because I couldn’t model the reassurance I needed, I didn’t know how to give it to my younger self; so I ended up seeking reassurance in the form of approval from the outside world.
Someone please tell me I’m doing ok, because if not, I wouldn’t know that I am doing ok. In fact I would assume that I am not ok.
How to get out of this stressful state of being
It wasn’t until I learnt how to reparent myself with the help of therapy, coaching, inner-child work, shadow-work in tandem with emotional-regulation methods from yoga-therapy, breath-work, meditation, was I able to generate that deep well of reassurance that I could access.
And you can too.
Are you constantly seeking externally what you need in order to be ok?
Approval from parents, acceptance from partner, affection from children, recognition from work, applaud from community, envy from friends etc.
Start with giving back to the parts of yourself that are starving for these, and usually they are the younger parts of you in need of acceptance, approval, recognition and love.